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You might think you already know all there is to know about a certain biologically male magical white kid and the famous trademark on his forehead…


But did you know that his only surviving relatives are fans of the royal family, read both The Sun and the Daily Mail, voted for Nigel Farage in a general election, have a distaste for second class postage, and believe the London congestion charge is an affront to their freedoms?


Rescued from a dystopian nightmare by a strange man who appears in the middle of the night and promises a better life, the young magician soon discovers an entire world beyond his wildest imagination, where anything except diversity, cultural awareness and an end to body shaming is possible.


With his enchanted vegetable and overpriced coffee in hand, the generic hero sets off to his first year of magic school where he makes friends, navigates problematic plot points, discovers serious oversights in health and safety, and learns to play his new favourite sport invented entirely in the name of avoiding a trademark.

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Writing comedy like this is my job (and this is no short parody, it really is over 100k words) and like 99% of creatives right now, even the smallest contributions can make a difference to help us survive and continue doing what we do.

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