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out now

You might think you already know all there is to know about a certain biologically male magical white kid and the famous trademark on his forehead…

 

But did you know that his only surviving relatives are fans of the royal family, read both The Sun and the Daily Mail, voted for Nigel Farage in a general election, have a distaste for second class postage, and believe the London congestion charge is an affront to their freedoms?

 

Rescued from a dystopian nightmare by a strange man who appears in the middle of the night and promises a better life, the young magician soon discovers an entire world beyond his wildest imagination, where anything except diversity, cultural awareness and an end to body shaming is possible.

 

With his enchanted vegetable and overpriced coffee in hand, the generic hero sets off to his first year of magic school where he makes friends, navigates problematic plot points, discovers serious oversights in health and safety, and learns to play his new favourite sport invented entirely in the name of avoiding a trademark.

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read now for free

On September 28, A Biologically Male Magical White Kid: and the Book You Thought You'd Already Read was released and made available from all good (and many bad) bookshops. The result of just over a year of writing, this parody is no tribute to the Harry Potter series, but a book that isn’t afraid to call J.K. Rowling transphobic.

At 30% longer than the original Philosopher’s Stone (Sorcerer’s Stone), the book remains close to the original story while including hundreds of changes — some subtle and some much more noticeable — to lampoon and parody the series as a whole, popular culture, current events, and Rowling’s never-ending attempts to retroactively add to her world in an attempt to make it appear diverse all along.

While the print versions of the book will remain on-sale indefinitely (with American editions on the way) for anyone who prefers to hold a physical book in their hands, in order to let as many people as possible enjoy this satirical story, starting December 3 with Chapter One, the whole book is going to be made available chapter by chapter over the next three weeks.

New chapters will be available to read each Monday, Wednesday and Friday through Christmas Eve, and you can start reading now using the links below. If you can't wait and want to read the whole book straight away, the digital e-book is still available to buy alongside the hardcover and paperback editions from the links at the bottom of this page.

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Chapter Five

The Sino Pauper Edo Recondo Mammonas Bank

Chapter Six

The Journey on the Rail Replacement Bus Service

Chapter Seven

“Did She Say Live and Die?”

Chapter Eight

Anhydrous What to What?

Chapter One

Of Course, The Boy is White

Chapter Two

"That Penguin Had a Business Card?"

Chapter Three

A Kangaroo, a Penguin, a Donkey, and an Aligator

Chapter Four

"Couldn't This Have Been an Email?"

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Chapter Nine

“Well, There Goes My Tenure”

Chapter Ten

The Ancient Egyptian Goddess Heqet

Chapter Eleven

A Tale of Highs, Lows, And Then Highs Again

Chapter Twelve

The Wardrobe to Iqaluit

available Monday, December 20

Chapter Thirteen

The Full Moon Rule

Chapter Fourteen

An Exciting Opportunity To Transform Your Life

available Monday, December 20

available Wednesday, December 22

Chapter Fifteen

Consequences and Contradictions

available Wednesday, December 22

Chapter Sixteen

Police Aux Frontières

Chapter Seventeen

This Is Cheese as Cheese Should Be

available Friday, December 24

available Friday, December 24

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tip the author

While there is no cost to read the book as it’s being made available online, these posts are being published without adverts and they don’t generate any income on their own. If you're enjoying the book, please consider sending a tip through ko-fi.com/bensfletcher.

Writing comedy like this is my job (and this is no short parody, it really is over 100k words) and like 99% of creatives right now, even the smallest contributions can make a difference to help us survive and continue doing what we do.

© Ben Fletcher 2021 | All Rights Reserved